Various rulers of Westeros pursue Minnesota Orchestra conducting post
The Minnesota Orchestra has announced the slate of candidates for the newly-open position of Sommerfest Artistic Director—including Daenerys Targaryen, Euron Greyjoy, Cersei Lannister, Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish, Arya Stark, Tormund Giantsbane, and various other conductors and aspiring rulers from the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros.
“The Iron Podium is mine by birthright, and I shall have it through the power of fire, or by majority vote of the Sommerfest Artistic Director search committee after a suitable series of trial weeks,” said Targaryen. “So it is written in the scrolls: that the Mother of Dragons shall be the next artistic leader of Sommerfest.”
The position of Sommerfest Artistic Director came open at the end of Sommerfest 2017. Once the vacancy is filled, the Orchestra is likely to invite several of the runner-up candidates to return in future years as guest conductors. However, some industry observers believe that not every candidate would accept such an offer.
“Sooner would a nobleman of the House of Lannister become a squire at Winterfell, than would a Sommerfest Artistic Director candidate return as a mere guest conductor,” asserted a post on the widely-read blog “A Song of the Lark and Fire,” predicting that most of the finalists will instead move on to other opportunities in the distant outpost of Qarth, or perhaps Boston.
Though he is not pursuing the post of Sommerfest Artistic Director, claiming that he is too short to be seen from the back of the violin section, former Hand of the King Tyrion Lannister has offered to help mediate the process. “Surely we can strive for peaceful negotiations between Ser Kevin [Smith] and the candidates, rather than audition by combat,” he stated.
For a brief period in late May, rumors spread that the Orchestra’s next Sommerfest Artistic Director could come from within the ranks of the ensemble itself. The talk was scuttled when a MinnPost article pointed out that Associate Principal Oboe John Snow is not actually the same person as Jon Snow, the illegitimate son of the late Lord Ned Stark. Furthermore, John Snow was overheard stating that “Winter is coming”—a significant gaffe, given that a Sommerfest Artistic Director is expected to favor summer over winter.
“As everyone knows, Minnesotans are always very eager for winter to end and summer to come, for Sommerfest and other popular summer traditions such as the State Fair and I-35W construction,” said Cersei Lannister, who was eager to exploit Snow’s error. “What’s more, I hear that our season finale is coming up—which may narrow the list of Sommerfest Artistic Director candidates considerably.”
The events and characters portrayed above are strictly satirical. No dragons were harmed in the writing of this article.
Photo via @umnmusic on Instagram.